Murphy’s Bye-Laws

The oddities of my moods still strike me as peculiar. When in a mostly non-political mood and not thinking of any of the usual outrages, disappointments, theories, and solutions, I always seem to come up with some metaphorical post tangential to politics. When thinking in terms of all those political quagmires I tend to sprout seeds of wisdom completely unrelated. That is the story today as well. I hadn’t intended to write a post about Thanksgiving, being thankful or gracious, or any of those things. I hadn’t intended to write much of anything, but the concept of the turkey for the national bird and the similarities between domesticated turkeys and the American citizen were just too good to pass up.

I’ll start with a little background of the wild turkey as the national bird. The distinction of wild versus the domesticated bird are pretty important, so don’t confuse them. Ben Franklin is the source of this story, which apparently only surfaced in the letter to his daughter and was

never officially advocated. He did advocate for the rattlesnake, the vengeful creature of the famous (and mostly misunderstood these days) Gadsden flag. John D. MacArthur has this excerpt from the letter on his page where most all of my information for this post originated:

“For my own part I wish the Bald Eagle had not been chosen the Representative of our Country. He is a Bird of bad moral Character. He does not get his Living honestly. You may have seen him perched on some dead Tree near the River, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the Labour of the Fishing Hawk; and when that diligent Bird has at length taken a Fish, and is bearing it to his Nest for the Support of his Mate and young Ones, the Bald Eagle pursues him and takes it from him.

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“With all this Injustice, he is never in good Case but like those among Men who live by Sharping & Robbing he is generally poor and often very lousy. Besides he is a rank Coward: The little King Bird not bigger than a Sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the District. He is therefore by no means a proper Emblem for the brave and honest Cincinnati of America who have driven all the King birds from our Country . . .

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“I am on this account not displeased that the Figure is not known as a Bald Eagle, but looks more like a Turkey. For the Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America . . . He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on.”

The one aspect of the Bald Eagle I can agree on, besides the prescient description of Mr. Franklin, that is fitting for the modern country is the offensive nature of the bird. It is truly a bird of prey as is the government it represents. Majestic, sure. But is there room for anything king-like in a system such as ours? Perhaps this is again symbolic of the truth that is in opposition to the rhetoric surrounding government.

The turkey is an apt metaphor for the people of this territory in more than one way. The evolution of the wild turkey – a cunning, observant, and resourceful bird – into the overly-large-breasted, dim-witted, and obese domesticated bird of today may offer a nifty parallel to the American culture. The wild turkey may have been a fine symbol for the populace of the time when the Great Seal was instituted. People were anxious to and able to care for themselves, cunning and resourceful enough to oust a much stronger army from their territory, and plain enough to have common cause with a prolific and non-spectacular symbol as the wild turkey. (Of course, all of this is conjecture about the populace that I can’t substantiate – and if I did would lose all ability to write about it as we’d likely find them as complacent and boobish as the current inhabitants.) The domestic turkey of today would also make an apt symbol for the American people today, who are too dumb to come in out of the rain, so to speak. These turkeys of today are judged by the largess of their breasts and are often too obese to live any meaningful life. The very fact that these turkeys have been bred to become domesticated with all the qualities beneficial to their masters is, in my view, the most concrete reason why the turkey could – and probably should – be the national bird.

So, tomorrow when we sit down to feast and celebrate over a beautiful and tasty bird, we can think of how great it is to be a class of species above that of the juicy idiot in front us. Then we can think of this post and hope that we don’t dry out or meet some humiliating end (like being made into hot dogs). Or you can not think of this blog post at all!

Turkey Revolt!