Murphy’s Bye-Laws

As the holiday season prepares to go out with a bang this evening, I’d like to reflect on thoughts I’ve had while catching up with old friends and acquaintances.  This year has found me with a full social schedule over the past two weeks meeting with prodigal friends returning home temporarily or carving out some time to catch up.  At one time, all of the people I visited with shared some aspect of their lives with me before separating to pursue individual purposes.  I’ve thought much about the divergence in our lives and geography and how much one has had an effect on the other.  Read the rest of this entry »

Who am I kidding?  The endless summer mentioned in the title came to a screeching halt…well, I can’t say when, so maybe it wasn’t screeching after all.  I did push on through and finished a bunch of landscaping right before work has monopolized much of my free time, so there’s that sense of accomplishment.  And it isn’t even like I am not still riding a wave.  I’m just too busy to notice.

It rained a lot in June.  It even rained a lot in July.  August is off to a fine start as well.  Our garden is threatening to take over the yard and we’re barricading ourselves in the house (Feed me, Seymour!).  Some of what we intended – the little stick in the plant said so – to be yellow squash turned out to be acorn squash, which is not a nice stationary plant like the intended residents.  A tangled, viney squash orgy broke out in the back of the garden, and if the several viney plants didn’t croak from something (I’ll assume exhaustion), I may have wheelbarrows full of acorn squash right now.  As it is we managed about a dozen (that I could find yet).  Our tomatoes, too, had grown to be about six-foot tall with all the rain.  They have since been weighed down with burgeoning fruit which have yet to make it out of the garden before being devoured.  Yeah, everything is coming along nicely.

If there were still stuff to do – and there is; there always is – it would be going unfinished.  Between the waning daylight and the the waxing workload, I feel lucky to see the overgrown garden by sunlight by the time I return home.  Perhaps it is times like these that are the troughs I referred to in the previous post.  I have not plunged into the muddy bottom, but merely see less horizon now.  My time constraints and my mood have also hindered my writing output, as anyone still bothering to look has known.  I thought I could keep up with volume while dropping some quality, but I either have high standards or was just too busy to even write total crap (this post should clear this question up nicely).  I thought I could reproduce a similar mindset as mild depression and a paranoid scepticism by simply staying awake late.  Except you actually have to stay awake.  Rather than write, I have been reading.  I’ve been reading into some thoughts on the soul and picking up some more Abbey ( why haven’t you read any of him yet?).  And why haven’t you posted some thoughts about the soul in the “My Soul is a Black Hole” comments?  Oh, I see.  I’m the only one who feels guilty for not showing up for over a month, while you have no responsibility at all?  Well, I’d continue to rave like a lunatic, but I must sleep now.  Enjoy the couch, Mr. and/or Mrs. Where-Have-You-Been?

For the past several weeks, ever since my staycation, I have been riding a wave of good mood and happy feelings like I haven’t known for a long, long time.  I can’t even say from memory if I’ve ever been “up” for this long before.  There are still waves of up and down, but the tide – or sea level itself – has risen so that when a trough comes I am no longer plunging into the muddy bottom.

I have been battling depression of varying degrees for about 10 years (that I have been cognizant of, anyway).  Why this is so, I can’t say for sure.  Maybe I’m chemically pre-disposed to it by my DNA or perhaps I’m more sensitive to certain situations that could trigger the condition or both.  I can’t say why; I can just explain how I feel and my moods and perceptions.  I can, however, put my finger on some possible triggers, such as a lack of physical activity directly relating my physical and mental health.  This prolonged high is accompanied with lots of physical activity and less moping.

There is very much inertia involved in activity or lack of.  Since I delved head first into some work on the house, I’ve been driven by the progress made and tasks left to finish.  This has all resulted in my feeling physically better than I had in long time, which is not suprisingly connected to the emotional betterness.  This makes me want to do more.  When in a depression, I don’t want to do anything.  Nothing really inspires.  It is a hard thing to swing or turn around.  Many will tell folks in this condition to WILL themselves out of it and pull themselves up by the bootstraps, which is no help at all.  When I hear stuff like this, it is like struggling in quicksand, which only makes me sink deeper and faster.  It is like Wile. E. Coyote realizing he is without support over a cliff before he plunges; the “motivators” are simply the realization of the situation.

Instead, based on my personal experience, I would suggest offering to go for a long walk, or engaging in some sort of exercise with the depressed.  Telling them to exercise or anything else is a nonstarter; instead bring them with you.  It is better to pull than push.

I don’t know how long I can ride this tide.  It is about inertia and I want to keep mine going in the right direction, but the bottom will still be there looming, waiting for me to wipe out.  My plan is to keep a que of doable, non-grand projects to keep me busy, and that have satisfying, tangible results.  So when the landscaping project is finished (hopefully next week), then building window boxes for flowers and fixing the gutters on the house will be next.  By then the garden will need more attention, and boy are those results ever tangible!